The Problem is Mentality

Every day you flip through newspapers it seems as if rape attacks have become so common that soon it won’t give you any goose bumps if you hear that a 6 year old girl was raped by her own father or if a rape victim was murdered brutally to destroy the evidence of the crime. Sexual assaults against women have become an everyday story in all the parts of the country; may it be ‘Bharat’ or India. This heinous crime is not just restricted to big cities where the fundamentalists believe public is more exposed to ‘western culture’, in fact it is rampant in every nook and corner. In fact women are being subject to sexual crimes just everywhere. I am not going to discuss the latest rape or sexual assault cases that have shocked the country but will delve deep into the most common factor given as a root cause behind such horrific incidences and that is – the patriarchal mindset

We keep on debating the effects and not so important factors but fail to concentrate on the mental part of an accused which makes him rob himself of his morals and conscience. Gender discrimination is so ingrained in our social structure that  from those accused to the policy makers to police authorities to general public is suffering from this ailment from so long that even history cannot remember.

Even before a girl is born the evil forces in our mind start their work. The news of a baby girl coming home itself dampens the spirit of family. Parents who supposedly should be on cloud nine, themselves cook the conspiracy for killing the unborn girl in the womb itself. Insensitive reasons are given for this so called sacrifice like who will be funding her education, marriage, the fear of distribution of property and most importantly who will carry forward the lineage of the family. The chariot of ‘khandaan’ is fuelled by the blood of its own members but the sad part is that sacrificing warriors are always women. So this is the ignition point and this bloody fire of discrimination stretches up to infinity.

Lately I attended a group discussion on ‘Gender Discrimination and Patriarchy at my University. Some very interesting statements came up. When the whole group was charged up against this social evil and expressing their strong views on the same, a gentleman (even this term is an example of the discriminating feudal system) gets up and confidently says that “Women hostels are guarded by male security guards to save them from other men who may indulge in sexual harassment, so this proves a point that to save her from a man, a woman needs help of another man.” One of the guys sitting across him supported this sexist statement by giving a derogatory reason that “Girls aren’t strong enough to fight with men.” All the feminists sitting there were exasperated and couldn’t believe that these guys had actually dared to pass such a blatant remark in a discussion about ending the patriarchal system. Obviously those arguments were smashed up by bold counter statements from rest of the group to which they replied that they were actually standing in support of the women on this issue! But the underlying point remains that people who are actually trying to free the society from the chains of patriarchy, are themselves caught up in the same web. How will a girl learn to defend herself when right from her childhood she is handed over a Barbie doll, thus promoting a superficial culture and having long term psychological ill effects? Young impressionable girls want to look thin and beautiful like the doll, which is loaded with makeup and fancy dresses waiting for her prince charming to come and rescue her. Although their counterparts are given male combat dolls, racing cars and guns. Pink is a ‘girlie’ colour and blue symbolizes boys! This is where discrimination sows its seed in our mind.

At school parents enrol their daughters in courses like dance, art and craft, singing, home science, cookery classes whereas for sons they prefer martial arts, shooting, horse riding, science etc. By the time a girl reaches high school, “A How should girls behave Guide” is installed in her so many times that she fears of not achieving the benchmarks set by the society. The parameter of a ‘good girl’ ranges from sitting with her legs closed, not talking loudly, not attracting men, not to be loud in public, not to argue, not to roam around freely and the list goes on. She qualifies to become a wife ideally if she is tall, beautiful, homely, knows how to cook and dress up; sadly, her qualifications, achievements and behaviour are secondary qualities.

I was travelling to southern India, accompanied by my mother, when during a train journey an epic conversation started in our compartment. An elderly man sitting in front of us was giving his ‘expert views’ on how western education and culture has given extraordinary freedom to women in our country which is making them bold and independent. By this he meant that this unruly behaviour of theirs is a blot on our rich culture which is shaking the moral fibre of our society. He added that “girls are very shameless today, they wear short clothes, hang out with guys, make boyfriends, drink and smoke like guys and call names by using cheap language like ‘yaar’ thus girls have turned into unsocial and vicious elements”. While he said all this, his every statement started by an abusive word which literally is an abuse targeted to someone’s mother or sister, for no fault of theirs. I decided to reply to his arguments, and my reply to him made the conversation end. I said, that in spite of women and young children sitting here you have used countless abusive words to put across your point, and still we, women are tagged ‘unruly’ and ‘uncultured’ just because we use the word ‘yaar.’ What gives men like you the license of policing the actions of women when you don’t have control on yours?

I knew I was going to be the victim of hateful and suspicious looks and my mother would have to bear the brunt of letting not teaching me enough ‘mannerisms’, but I knew my comment had just nailed the patriarchal mindset of that uncle at the right place. I just grinned!

Other examples of this sick mentality is considering girls physically and mentally weak than boys, tagging women as bad drivers, underestimating our logical reasoning (because they think our head is filled by emotional crap), taking us as a burden at family, in society, in office etc; interpreting our dressing style as in invitation to assault us and treating us like servants for the household work. We are viewed just as sex objects available for fulfilling the sexual desires of our god-men! Women are just placed in a glass jar of rules and regulations made by the chauvinist patriarchal pigs. We are expected to ‘behave’ ourselves in every possible manner and not invite trouble. Our safety comes in lieu of our freedom only. This is the narrow mindset which needs to be hammered down by our own efforts.